Meaningful Things to do when you’re feeling sorry for yourself

I hit a new low yesterday. It wasn’t pretty. I sobbed on the phone to multiple friends while in the hospital, watching the emergency vehicles bring urgent patients to and from, feeling as if the world were hopeless. I called my oldest before she went to school and cried on the phone with her as she cried that she missed me, causing my sweet friend caring for her and her five year old to start crying as well. The medicine they gave me for severe nausea made me feel like the world was spinning and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t walk without being dizzy, I couldn’t even just lay down without feeling like I needed to get up and run, despite my fragile state. It was absolutely miserable. I imagine that’s what it’s like to be in a straight jacket while high on coke. 

Thankfully, come to find out most of my neurotic state can be blamed on a severe reaction to that nausea medicine. But the feelings of self pity and hopelessness are still real from time to time, Thankfully I’m just learning how to handle them better. In case you haven’t been following our story, I’m currently undergoing a stem cell transplant & yesterday was day one of 100 for recovery. Honestly it was such a mess, I’m cringing as I type this as I reflect on how terrible yesterday was.  But, I’m going to leave it at just that- that was yesterday.

Over the past few weeks, it’s been tempting to wallow in my sorrow. Sorrow from not being able to live with my family for the next 100 days, sorrow from physical pain and mental anguish- so many things. But, as I’ve taken the focus off of myself, light has been shed. Light that I needed to pour into my soul, like a waterfall.

So today instead of breaking out the Ben and Jerry’s and playing some classic Adele, I’m compiling a list of things we can do instead of feeling sorry for ourselves. If you’re in a lonely season- if this Corona virus thing is just feeling like too much for you or if you’re in a situation like me that requires you to be unexpectedly sequestered from your normal, carefully planned life, here is a list of some things we can do together that will take the focus off of ourselves and find ways to love others well

Taking the focus off of myself doesn’t always immediately relieve me of my anger and self focus, but many times it reminds me I’m not alone. People have been where I am before and they’ve made it through. It gives me hope and a bit of joy to focus on serving others instead of focusing on myself. And at the end of the day, God calls us to do so. So if you’re in a similar season right now, maybe you’re struggling with self pity or anger about your circumstances, here are some ideas to help you take the focus off of yourself and serve others. And yep, all right from your own home. Because #2020. 

Plan date nights for your significant other

How often do we forget to be intentional with the ones we love the most? Ben and I have consistent date nights when physically possible. But, sometimes date night, although planned on the calendar can turn into a few hours spent in frustration because neither one of us actually planned what we were going to do. We have absolutely sat in the Bahama Breeze parking lot “discussing” where we want to eat as I sob because I don’t want Bahama Breeze and I. feel so unloved that Ben didn’t take time to plan a special night (even though it was as much my fault as it was his).

And while that’s a funny memory now, it’s our goal to avoid that from happening ever again. This time of quarantine has been the perfect time to not only put date night on the calendar but also to intentionally plan each date for the other person to enjoy. Ben and I have divided the number of date nights we’ll have until the end of the year evenly and are currently planning each date as a surprise for the other person. My list of dates we’ll be having this fall and winter include visits to popular/recommended restaurants, special events, tourist attractions and even some pretty sweet Groupon deals in our city (hey Atlanta).

Write cards/notes to people who need it 

I can’t tell you how many times a card comes has come in the mail over the past year and a half of this cancer fighting journey and hit me upside the head with the encouragement I needed. There are people in your life, your neighborhood, your church who need some encouragement right now and it takes ten minutes to give it. Who’s going to be on the receiving end this week?

Go decorate someone’s front porch

This is something that was done for us this week and I can’t explain how much it touched me. One of my sweet friends (with three boys 5 and under) grabbed some pumpkins, mums, hay bales, a wreath and a few other adorable fall decorations and headed to our house. I was in the hospital and Ben was out with the girls, so take note introverts- no one had to even be there in order for her to bless us. She sent me a picture of the final product and it made me so proud to see how cute our home looks this season, even though I’m away and unable to decorate myself.

This doesn’t have to be done just for sick people who aren’t physically able to decorate either. Maybe you have a friend who struggles with seasonal depression or a friend who is missing a loved one they lost years ago this season… text them that you’re coming over to decorate their house/porch and are determined to brighten this hard season for them. Depending on your relationship you may want to ask if you could do this for them, but insist on doing it if you sense they are saying ‘no’ to avoid inconveniencing you.

Letters of encouragement to others. 

Letters are different than cards, in my humble opinion. Letters offer the opportunity for you to not only encourage, but speak life into someone. And make sure you’re letters aren’t just filled with smoke, but take time to truly think about what you love about this person, what you see in them, what you’re deeply thankful for about them, how they’ve changed your life.

Leave kind reviews on your favorite places sites

It’s embarrassing to think how many times I’ve meant to leave a positive review online for one of our favorite places but never got around to it. It may seem frivolous to spend time writing positive, encouraging words for a business online, but it truly can make all the difference for them. And what better time than now to exert some excessive positivity?

Read through the Bible

This year, for the first time ever I’m reading through the entire Bible. I’ve attempted to do this many times before and failed. But, this year I found a study that is doable with our lifestyle and it’s stuck. 

Now, before you envision me sitting on my bed at 5am every morning pouring through chapters of the Bible with a warm cup of sweet, creamy coffee watching the sun rise, I need you to know that’s not what’s happening. I’m actually listening to the Bible, for the most part. This is where the word doable comes in. I’m listening to the YouVersion Bible app read the Bible to me and the pairing the reading with The Bible Recap podcast & plan. Some days I listen in the car on the way to treatment, but most times it’s in the treatment chair or bed when I’m too exhausted to even open my eyes.

Start a blog/podcast to encourage others

It’s 2020 & you can minister and encourage others from your own home. Share your story. Talk about your experiences. Offer insight on a topic you’re especially passionate about. Put it out there and bless the world!
This was the year that we started The Whether Channel Podcast and I can’t tell you how encouraged I am to hear from so many of you each week about what a blessing it is. Can I get another amen for being able to minister to people right from the safety of your own home?

Listen to audiobooks

As I hinted in the Bible idea, listening to books has been a game changer. Right now, I’m listening to a few different books that teach me ideas I want to learn and concepts I want to grasp, especially pertaining to marriage and motherhood before I return to real life. Bonus tip: start a virtual book study with your friends!

Get a jump start on Christmas plans or a few special people’s birthdays for the year

I feel like I’m alway behind in this area. So I’m committed to using this time to plan ahead. A big perk of planning ahead will be more time to shop for decorations and gifts without guilt because more than likely, with so much time before the event, the items will be on sale and I won’t be grabbing last minute, full priced items.

This will also allow me time to intricately plan a sweet, intentional celebration filled with carefully thought out activities, guests, location, traditions, a menu and all thing celebration things.

Start to compile a list of your friends coffee orders

I’m starting a running tab of my friends coffee (or non-coffee) orders. Do it in a nonchalant way so that when they are feeling sick, you want to surprise and delight them, or grab their order on your way to their house it’s a little extra way to let them know that they are known and loved. It’ll catch them off guard and make them feel so cared for.

Give someone a call

Who is someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with… for years? Is there an elderly person in your church who would be delighted just to chat for half an hour – remember their generation is used to calling, not texting. So a random phone call just to check in on someone is their norm! Whoever that person is that God has put on your heart today, give them a call. You have no idea the difference that you can make. And as a bonus, I always find myself happier after a phone conversation than I was before.

Lonely friend, I want you to know you are never alone. The God of the universe is always with you and always waiting to shower you with love and hope. I pray this list nudges you to take some pressure off of yourself and let go of the expectation that life will always be dandy. Life is hard right now. And it’s okay to admit that and embrace that. But I pray this list inspires you to look for ways to serve others and take the focus off of ourselves. Sometimes that’s all it takes to remind us of all we have to be grateful for and that we are not useless this season, even if we are in isolated confinement.

P.S. If you have more ideas you’ve loved to help you this season, comment below me let me know!